Tom Cruise Crazy
Poor Tom Cruise. Somehow Sumner Redstone finally awoke and noticed that Tom was completely out of his mind. Worse yet, it was actually hurting ticket sales. What a shock. As a result, Paramount Pictures has dumped Tom Cruise and his production company. Waaah.
In honor of the dumping of the dumbo, I bring you a great Jonathan Coultan song called "Tom Cruise Crazy."
Tom Cruise is so in love with Katie
At least all his people tell him so
And while he thinks that she’s a very special lady
It’s probably not the way he’d choose to go
And a lifetime of longing looks would cause too much distraction
Good thing that he’s not gay anymore
Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy
Just be glad it’s him not you
If you had Tom Cruise’s troubles
You might be Tom Cruise crazy too
You’d flash your big white shiny smile
You’d buy expensive shoes
But you’d be the only man on Earth
Who couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise
Oh no, you couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise
Tom Cruise is always getting older
He knows he’ll never be that young again
And when Tom Cruise looks back over his shoulder
He says a thousand younger leading men
He knows someday he’ll have to play
An old retarded grandpa
While someone younger plays his sexy son
Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy
Just be glad it’s him not you
If you had Tom Cruise’s troubles
You might be Tom Cruise crazy too
You’d flash your big white shiny smile
You’d buy expensive shoes
But you’d be the only man on Earth
Who couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise
Oh no, you couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise
Tom Cruise knows somewhere there’s a place for him
He’s not of this world anymore…
Somewhere in some secluded castle
Poor Tom Cruise sits staring at the wall
And the outside world is always such a hassle
Sometimes he won’t go out at all
There are millions who know his name
Everybody loves him
Why is it that he feels so alone?
Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy
Just be glad it’s him not you
If you had Tom Cruise’s troubles
You might be Tom Cruise crazy too
You’d flash your big white shiny smile
You’d buy expensive shoes
But you’d be the only man on Earth
Who couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise
Oh no, you couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise
Comments
By the way, you have now cleared up some confusion of mine from yesterday. I saw "break-up" on the CNN screen while buying my coffee and I assumed it was Tom and Katie. That explains (for Josh) why the Today Show was being so blase.